Pregnancy. Beautiful, right? That glow. The wonder of new motherhood. Being several months postpartum, I look back to pregnancy as one of the most profound experiences ever. But that's just the crazy speaking because I've had ample time now to forget the hell it raised inside my body.
I remember the steam spewing from my ears when seasoned moms said how "magical" pregnancy was. The only magic I experienced was violently exorcised into my work garbage can and on public transportation. If throwing up on it's own wasn't bad enough, my heartburn was so intense I seriously thought satan himself unleashed his fiery lair in my gut. That combo was so fun, nausea + heartburn, I had a perpetually burned throat from up-chucking pure acid.
My bed time was so early, babies were scoffing at me. That is, until the third trimester when sleeping becomes so uncomfortable you might as well throw away your fancy pregnancy pillows. It's an especially cruel design since you're gearing up to spend hours/ days pushing out a bowling ball from your special area to then endure weeks or months of the most intense sleep deprivation of your life.
I didn't have crazy mood swings, I just generally thought strangers were really annoying. Living in Chicago and taking CTA everywhere (which notoriously has characters riding it at all hours), I had so many vicious thoughts. If you didn't give me your seat, I wanted to punch you in the face. If you bumped into me while standing since that dude didn't give me his seat, I wanted to punch you in the face. If you were really loud while I was struggling to keep the contents in my stomach down (sans baby), I wanted to punch you in the face. If you had bad body odor or worse, smelled like Budweiser, I wanted to punch you in the face.
I never punched anyone, but I may or may not have fantasized about it.
There is that honeymoon stage around 20 weeks when most of your symptoms take a hiatus, you can choose to see baby at your mid-pregnancy ultrasound, you likely feel baby "improving her campsite" and your belly looks adorable. If you're in your first trimester, this will come soon enough and cherish that time. Because it doesn't last.
Once my daughter was full term at 37 weeks, I was ready to serve her an eviction notice. Your mind plays tricks on you. You'll think every wince of pain is imminent labor and simultaneously that you'll be pregnant FOREVER. And at 12 days overdue, I was so ready for her to GET OUT. Thank God women get so antsy to go into labor, otherwise they would likely freak out that a REAL LIVE HUMAN WAS COMING HOME WITH THEM.
Everything about pregnancy is weird. And incredible. And mamas feel all sorts of interesting feelings those 40 (or more) weeks.
So seasoned moms, stop making moms-to-be feel guilty for not thinking everything is as magical as you think you remember it. And moms-to-be, take a moment to appreciate the weirdness. Because your nausea is a reminder that your body is sustaining a life. And soon your baby will be on the outside keeping you awake instead of squished uncomfortably against your bladder.
...And just know you'll likely let out a little pee here or there after you give birth.
